Pains of Motherhood

Today, is a more serious post. There is so much evil in the world today. It is sad the amount of selfishness and instant gratifications that have such eternal effects. Families are hurting families, chidren are hurting children and mankind is offending mandkind. In life, it is always difficult to have an eternal perspective, yet that eternal perspective could prevent so much evil and travesty in the world today. I want to do everything I can to protect my children from these wiles of the world. Everyday, we work to teach them, guide them and protect them. Unfortunately, we cannot protect them in every situation and for that we have to hope we have armed them with the right tools to protect themselves. I am SO grateful that our loving Heavenly Father has given us the tools and the armor of righteousness but we must arm ourselves everyday. We have been given the power of prayer, the scriptures, and the Holy Ghost to guide us. In addition, we have been armed with motherly instinct. I view it as a grace of God to arm us with such intuition. It is though our heart strings are attached directly to our children. When they ache, we ache. When they hurt, we hurt. When they rejoice, we too rejoice. Sometimes such small offenses can cause such great emotions and larger offenses can cause such eternal destruction. It is unfair that we pay the price of pain among our children for other people's selfishness. Your childrens' pain can be an unsurmountable cross we are sometimes asked to bear. A cross that seems will never lighten. However, we must remember that He paid the price for all of us. We all have incredible worth to Him. He suffered, bled and died for all our sins and our pains. I just hope and pray that all of those mothers fighting so hard to protect your children will remember to arm not only themselves but their children with the armor of righteousness. May we all be protected from the inevitable evil among us. “The terrible things that happen to us in life never make any sense when we're in the middle of them, floundering, no end in sight. There is no rope to hang on to, it seems. Mothers can soothe children during those times, through their reassurance. No one worries about you like your mother, and when she is gone, the world seems unsafe, things that happen unwieldy. You cannot turn to her anymore, and it changes your life forever. There is no one on earth who knew you from the day you were born; who knew why you cried, or when you'd had enough food; who knew exactly what to say when you were hurting; and who encouraged you to grow a good heart. When that layer goes, whatever is left of your childgood goes with her. Memories are very different and cannot soothe you the same way her touch did.” ― Adriana Trigiani, Big Stone Gap

Grateful

I am certainly grateful for days like today, when mommy isn't feeling well and sadly baby is not either. I am usually sad when my kids go off to school. I don't love the rigorous schedule school binds the family to, but today I was grateful. They all left for school and I took the third one to preschool. My sweet baby was already asleep in the car because she is sick. We got home at 9:30 am and I put the baby back down in her crib and I went back to bed too. It is now 12:30 and she is still sleeping. So needless to say I got a nice, long refreshing nap. Hopefully, that nap will help me kick this sooner. “Supermom wasn't a bad job description. The pay was lousy if you were talking about real money. But the payoff was priceless in so many other ways.” ― Roxanne Henke

Mommy Bailout?

I should start by saying my day wasn't really as bad as this might make it sound (always being positive). Have you ever had a day where you are pretty sure like wrestling, you wish you could tap out? I knew it was probably going to be a trying day when my two youngest are sounding croupy when they cough and I have a severe sore throat. So I drug everybody up on everything I can think of, including myself and send them all to bed. Oh! And don't forget get the humidifiers running (because Texas isn't humid enough). Of course, you don't sleep well, you are worried about the two babies who you have been giving breathing treatments to and you feel horrible too. I also know ahead is a day of church and kids pretty much on my own. I set my alarm, get up at 6:30 and start the cinnamon rolls (a Sunday morning tradition). Drag myself to the shower, get four kids up and ready and to church by 8:15. Oh! There is also a children's program in church today and guess who leads all the music? So I lead the children while I pretty much lip sync. I bring the kids home so I don't expose other families, in case we are contagious. At any rate, it got me thinking today, I sure would like to tap out. I also came up with this brilliant idea for the government and possibly a potential future business (if anybody starts this and get rich I will claim part ownership). I was thinking how about a mommy bailout program sponsered by the government. It would be a fund where you could dip into in a bailout circumstance but of course there would be regulations and red tape (too boring to discuss at this time). OR, a business where mom's can call in sick! I mean, after all, we ALL know there is no such fantasy world. How much faster would we get over the sickness if we just had a day to sleep it off? How awesome would that be, you could actually (in case of true sickness) call in sick and get the day off to sleep and relax? I think this is my next piece of legistlation to try to push through congress and/or my next business venture. You know it's a pretty rough day when you put the kids to bed early and they start asking why? I start listing the reasons A-everybody is crying, B-most everybody is sick, C-therefore we need our rest, D-mommy doesn't feel good and then the kids chime in and start helping you with the list. Then my second daughter comes to the top of the stairs and says G-mommy doesn't feel good. My oldest quickly says, "No! That was D!" They all went to bed with little to say and not much pushback even though it was before their normal bedtime, they must know I really need to rest. “(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer.” ― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

One on One time

I think it is critical to give our children one on one time. This time is to not only let them know you care but to build a critical relationship that these children may and likely will fall back on at some point in their lives. I want my children to have a relationship with me where they can come to me when things are going well and when they are going not so well or have embarrassing questions. Come to me, not your friends for real answers. We used to take the kids on a date. Every Friday was date night. Each month was designated to mom or dad. Each Friday would rotate through the kids (ie First child-first friday, second child-second friday, third child-third friday and then the fourth friday was daddy and me). I will say that the kids loved it and knew which friday was their friday. They would talk about it all week and then when it was mommy or daddy's turn they didn't seem to mind. On these dates, we would take them somewhere and talk about life and also teach them how to treat the person they are with (respect, how to open doors, to talk and engage in conversation-some of the lost arts of socialization). Sometimes it was just to go for a yogurt and other times it was to go to the driving range or go get pedicures. It wasn't about the cost or destination so much as it was about the time together. I admit we have fallen back on this. Partially because of time but also because my husband felt like we were always splitting up on the weekend instead of being together as a family on a weekend. So I think we are going to try to institute this again but spread it out so it is not every weekend. We have been working on a solution. Any suggestions? This weekend my son and I were able to spend some time together and at the end of the night we were watching a movie. He came around the couch and gave me a huge kiss on the cheek! Mission accomplished!

Who's Idea Was This?

Do you ever have this grand idea that somehow backfires? Well it doesn't necessarily backfire it just seems like you care more about it than who it was intended for. We (my husband and I) decided that one of the biggest downfalls of society is financial responsibility. The world would be a much happier place in general if people were taught this one principle. So we decided it was time to institute allowance. In order to help the kids, we are going to institute a mandated division of their earned money. As soon as they are paid, they must separate their money and immediately put 20% into savings, 10% to tithing and the rest is their spending money. So we bought these cute treasure boxes and were going to allow the kids to decorate them. Only my husband and I ended up in the kitchen for an hour or more trying to cover these treasure chests in the scrapbook paper that each child had picked out. To which, I looked at my husband and said, "Don't you just love my grand ideas." He carefully said, "Yes, sometimes. But this one, not so much." We ended up only covering the lid and placing dividers inside the treasure chest. Then we gave the kids the chests and some stickers and let them express themselves. At any rate, we are going to pay the kids allowance. They all have charts for a morning routine, an after school routine and an evening routine. Every time one of those charts is left uncompleted they lose a quarter of their allowance for each task left undone. The kids have been surprisingly focused in accomplishing their tasks. However, the loss of money has also already occurred. We will see how well this goes. Maybe later I will post the charts I have created for my family so you can see them.

Pure Joy. . . .Not so much

Tonight was one of those nights. I knew it was only a matter of time (fleeting moments of joy). We get home from our activities and knowing that they all need to start working on chores, homework and piano but I thought I can help them or send them out back to play. I choose sanity, everyone out back. All was well until dinner time. What is it about dinner time? It always seems to all hit the fan about that time, it's inevitable. We were doing good and then the phone rang, it was my husband and he was stuck in traffic. On a side note, why is it that if you have notice and can emotionally prepare it's not so bad if they are late or are not going to be home that night, but the last minute phone calls and no emotional preparation=certain disaster. I think it is a matter of lack of preparation. So, I embark on making dinner and it is now going to be a later than usual dinner. I start making a broccoli salad and the crying starts. My 17 month old has this sixth sense of mommy is cooking and it's time to scream. She is clinging to my clothes. I unclinch her little fist full of my clothes and set her down. The screams heighten. The baby then turns to destroying, she pulls all the paper towels off the roll. She spreads her leftover lunch all over the floor and proceeds crushing it. I am hurrying to get the steak and chicken seasoned and the grill on. One child decides to start practicing piano, the TV is roaring and one is doing homework. They all need help with their activities. Long story short, I end up preparing dinner while holding a child on my hip-not ideal or fun. The others are all begging for help and my undivided attention. I tell them I am a little busy it is help you or get dinner ready, which one? Finally get dinner finished, gather kids to the table and start dividing out food. I am up and down from the table about fifty times and dinner is now cool. We finally get settled and the baby stops screaming. And in walks my husband, everyone is sitting peacefully at the table eating. Impeccable timing on missing the disastrous dinner time. But it doesn't take long. The discussion about farting starts. Then the baby decides she is done and proceeds to start chucking her plate. I take her plate and now she is pushing back on her chair. I tell her no and she starts screaming, then aspirates corn and starts dry heaving. My son starts yelling she is going to barf, my other two girls are screaming and laughing. The baby makes a gagging/throw up noise and they all hollar. My son likes the attention and continues chanting she is going to barf and anything about barfing he can come up with, to add to the chaos. Now the baby is really done. I finally get up from my half eaten, cold dinner and hold her. Thankfully at this point, my husband was there to manage the rest of the troops and help clean up dinner. But, I have a pounding headache and I am done! D---O----N----E! Done! Here is my quote for the day: “Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” ― Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm

On My Own

There are so many moms who have those nights where they are on their own. Fortunately, I don't have too many of those. I openly admit I used to be one of those moms who dreaded those nights. I would have to talk myself through them and say, "now Carrie, put your big girl panties on! I know it's going to be tough but you can do it!" While thinking in my head, why does he get to go to meetings and have evenings away. He contributed to this mess. I didn't make these kids by myself. Why can't I have meetings and places to go? It is so much easier to the busy one. However, I have slowly (very slowly) and not always learned to change my attitude. On those nights, I have learned misery loves company. :) I will usually call one of my friends or sister-in-laws and invite them over for dinner too (if they are husbandless too). It makes the evening go by faster, smoother and you get to enjoy another adult who can contribute. It has helped me with an attitude adjustment. I have also discovered (after being on PTA and other various organizations that require some night meetings) that night meetings are not always all they are cracked up to be. It makes for longer hours (whereas if I was at home at least the kids got to bed by 7:30). Not to mention, on those unfortunate nights that we both have meetings, guess who has to make sure dinner is made, all the kids are bathed and that a babysitter is arranged. So I have learned to be careful what you wish for and it is not always greener on the other side.

Pure Joy

So yesterday was one of those days where I really enjoyed and cherished being a mother. However, this is not typical of everyday. I got two of the kids off to school and the third one off to preschool. I didn't have much on my schedule (which tends to be the days I cherish my children). We got home from dropping my third off at preschool and the baby wanted my attention. Normally, if I don't have much on my schedule I get caught up with household chores or e-mails, etc. This day I decided I would let her have my attention. So, we both went out back to play on the swing set. It has a little fort on it as well with a slide. She was delighted and her eyes lit up when she realized I was coming out with her. I thought, you only have these opportunities once in life. We went out and she climbed and I pushed her on the swing and she slid down the slide. She climbed to the top of the fort and was peeking out and giggling at me. When she did this, my heart melted and I thought as I laughed out loud, THESE are the important things in life. I thought of all the other things that needed my attention and none of them are as important as this. As she giggled and I found myself laughing out loud, the thoughts of THIS is pure joy! My eyes welled up with tears and then I laughed thinking how silly it is that I was teary eyed. We played for a long time and I would occasionally come in and fold laundry in the kitchen while I watched her play out the window. She would then come in and put her hand out and say "om on, om on" and I would follow her back out to play. It was truly one of those moments I wish I could capture in a bottle.

My name is Carrie McMurdie. I decided to start a blog about the realities of being a mother. There are all these wonderful blogs about how wonderful motherhood is, which it is BUT there is also reality. So, this blog is about sharing the ups and downs of motherhood, ideas that do and don't work (in my home) and the fleeting moments of joy sometimes followed by the moments full of tears. I have four young children and feel like it is a good time to not only share these times but to help me remember them as well. My children are 8, 6, 4, and 17 months. This will be about everyday life, whether good or bad, happy or sad and I will try to always end with an uplifting thought. My goal is to hopeful uplift, inspire and encourage all mothers (and maybe even a few grandmothers) at any stage of their lives on this journey of motherhood. I will be the first to admit that writing is NOT my strength but honesty is, so forgive my grammatical weaknesses but enjoy my very real stories of the life of an everyday mom.